A Letter to Depression

Depression:

You have been loyal and in every trial and crisis you have been right there by my side. You have offered me comfort, advice. You have sworn an oath to never leave me. You have been in my life 12 years.

You have been a faithful, but heartless friend. I have never sought a relationship with you. In fact, I have done everything I can to shake you off. You may have presented yourself as a friend, but you are a wicked enemy. You have been as loyal as a killer pursuing my life. Your comfort is pain; your advice is lies. You have stayed by my side only to gloat in my sufferings. But the promise you have made to me is truth: you are committed to staying by my side if only to see your purpose through, which is to destroy me.

In 12 years, you have come to know me well. You know my secrets, my insecurities, my vulnerable spots, my regrets; you remind me of them often. You even know my aspirations and dreams, although you always overlook my successes. Despite your intimate knowledge of my life’s history, I must point out that you don’t know me. I don’t say that as a teenager who smirks and snaps her fingers in a zig-zag motion. That isn’t strong enough. Picture Xena the Warrior Princess, Eowyn from Lord of the Rings, Eliza Doolittle, Cleopatra, or Katarina from Taming of the Shrew. You Don’t Know Me! You don’t know me or my strength. You cannot rival my determination or my will in this fight. Why? First of all, I am a woman. Our strength is unparalleled by man. Secondly, my strength comes through my faith in God. You should tremble at His name. The strength that He has graciously sowed in the core of my soul is great.

This is a season that will pass. I am not hopeless. I worry for what is at stake in the here and now, but that is as far as it goes. This time will be a memory from which I will draw even more strength. At this point, like in the ending of “The First Wives Club”, I feel the urge to belt out “You don’t own me!” like Bette Midler, Diane Keaton and Goldie Hawn.

I do hope that you have listened well, Depression. I don’t know when we will part ways for good, but you will not defeat me. You will not destroy me. You have been forewarned.