Scrambling

This is a journal post from July 2nd, 2011. I meant to post this sooner, but you know how it is!

My friend Janine loves challenging her physical limits. She climbs the escarpment stairs, goes for long hikes in the woods and, get this, she likes to scale waterfalls! I wish that I had her physical strength and endurance. Today, I decided to take a page out of her book and challenge myself in a like way. For me, this required inner strength to push myself out of my comfort zone. Deep down, I know that I have an adventurous spirit that could match hers, but it is my practice to make excuses and pose as a colossal chicken. 

On our walk alongside the train tracks back to the car, I shared some anecdotes to explain where some of my reservations come from. I am, or at least was, every gym teacher or camp counsellor's nightmare. To be fair, they were up there on the "yikes-meter" for me as well. I was the non-athletic, slightly chubby kid with the SPF-to-infinity sunblock, the asthma, the allergies, the irrational fear of all creepy-crawling creatures and very accident-prone to top it all off. I have a deep appreciation for nature, but I'm either allergic to it or intimidated by it. The stories I could tell of my summers as a child (and even in my late teens) could go on for pages! For me, childhood memories of day excursions go hand in hand with stinging antiseptic and antibiotic ointments for the hundreds of bug bites on my legs! To this day, I have an aversion to creams and lotions. This is background information to illustrate a point. I learned early on that it was easier to avoid certain pass times rather than participate and suffer the humiliation of being the weaker member of the group. Excuses and avoidance always seem easier than challenging our shortcomings head-on. The tragedy is that it is never anywhere near as rewarding as being an overcomer!

In the last few years, I have been making a deliberate effort to push my limits far beyond my fears. That is why I took up the invitation to join Janine and her friend Elena on today's excursion. The goal: to reach Tew's Falls-- the tallest waterfall in Hamilton. How was this to be achieved? By going off the beaten track deep into the woods and scale along the side of the escarpment. How long would this take? I was told three hours both ways. Was I up for it? I wasn't too sure, but I was going anyways! With enthusiasm slightly diluted with worry, I ducked into the woods. In single file, we maneuvered up and down steep hills. Janine confidently lead the way and I brought in the rear. As this was my first time, I knew the back of the line was best because I wouldn't be able to move as quickly as the 'scrambling' veterans I was accompanying. There was a basic path to follow and yellow markers left by spray paint to guide the way. But the path itself was over grown with shrubs, uneven, mucky in some areas and snared with tree roots. Discernment was required at all times. Will that rock give me momentum or might it be loose? Should I descend this muddy hill walking upright or by scaling down backwards? Can I keep my balance or should I grab hold of the trees? At various points, I was lagging behind a considerable distance. My mantra was, "Know your strength and don't be a fool." It was better  to go slower with caution than to pridefully attempt their quicker pace and end up falling. I'm afraid that I missed a lot of the natural beauty that surrounded me because my eyes were permanently fixated on Elena's feet. Her shoes were my guide. I remained intently focused on her tread and nothing else.


A few minutes into the hike, the negative talk began its taunt:
"Whatever made you think you could do this?"
"You are too out of shape."
"You aren't going to make it there and back."

Instinctively, my body started to respond physically with anxiety. My heart was racing, I could hear my breath getting heavier. Twenty minutes in, my left calf started to cramp. We stopped at lower Tews which gave me a moment to rest and regroup. It was a pretty sight as is all Hamilton woods. I took a few pictures. A father with his two girls and son bathed  under the waterfall fully clothed. The children laughed and splashed each other. I longed to jump in with them to cool off. A speckled frog was hopping along the bank. I caught it on the first try. Took me back to summer afternoons in Omeemee at Handi*Camp. For a few minutes, I felt that it was worth the trip, but there was one concern looming still. I looked up stream and the main waterfall was still far from sight. My train of thought went something like this:

"This is a lovely spot. I think that I would be content to stop here and miss the big one. I have put in a lot of effort after all. Maybe I could make my way to the campsite and wait for them."


Even though, my mind outlined reasons to quit, my pride was having none of it! We had to go back up the way we had descended into Lower Tews to get back on the trail. I was literally crawling up a mucky slippery slope on my hands and knees. I was covered in mud, I was sweating like I never had before in my life and I was feeling very out of my league. I should add that it was an exceptionally hot and humid day. The final lap to the falls became more intense. Exhaustion was setting in. My legs were starting to feel weak and I was stumbling more and more on the rocks. The mental obstacle was that I had no idea how far away our destination might be. The further we went, the longer the walk back would be. I was feeling discouraged and the urge to cry was bubbling up to the surface. I am happy to say that I refrained from crying although I'm sure that it would have been a wonderful release.


Tews was now in sight. Climbing over a fallen tree gave me a few seconds to stop. At this point, I was pitifully out of breath. My gasps weren't caused by my asthma, but simply from fatigue. Tews looked beautiful in the distance, but never the less I considered packing it in once more.


"Technically, I made it. I accomplished my goal. How close do I really have to get? I could stop here and admire it just as well from a distance."


I have no idea what might have been written on my face at that moment, everything I was thinking or (the bottom line) that I was running out of steam. Regardless, Janine looked at me and said that we would be stopping for a break once we reached the falls. I had made up my mind in the car ride there that I would not whine or do anything to make her regret having asked me along. I had to say though that I had just enough strength to get to the falls and walk back to the car, but that was it!


From there, the two girls made a decent advance on me. The rocks were now covered with moss and quite slippery. I couldn't suppress my panting anymore. I was so close! I tried to speed up to get the last ten yards over with, but each time I would take my eyes off the path in front of me, I would slip and fall. The Apostle Paul told us to always keep our eyes on the prize. Looking ahead to the inviting waterfall helped motivate me, but it also made me wipeout twice. I don't think the girls saw it which actually helped as my pride was playing a leading role this afternoon.


Finally, I reached it! A stunning beauty, 135 feet high! It took a few minutes before my squinting eyes could take it all in.

The falls were dazzling in the bright sunlight. The roar of the rushing water was terrific. It emitted a powerful spray that covered me in a fine mist. It left me refreshed and completely soaked through! Staring up in awe of this natural wonderful, I felt closer to heaven. I told Janine that I felt like I was staring into the face of God.
"I think God is more handsome than that," she smiled.
"That's true," I agreed. "But it's a wonderful glimpse!"
"Yes!" she nodded. "It's a glimpse."
After taking some photos, we sat down on a log, rehydrated ourselves with bottled water and snacked on juicy apples. Janine and Elena chatted and I disappeared into my own thoughts. I remembered the different times I had wanted to stop in the previous hour. It was clearly evident that every stride and grunt of that hike had been worth it! It would have been total foolishness to have stopped any sooner than I did. I had to get to the destination in order to realize that though. There is no way that I could have known that any sooner.


It occurred to me that there was a parallel between that challenge and the Christian's devotion to God. When our walk gets rough, the prospect of bailing becomes very tempting. We don't take that step of faith because we're not sure if God's going to meet us around the bend. We hold onto anger or unconfessed sin instead of going deeper in our relationship with Jesus Christ. We rationalize our actions in various ways:
- "I have salvation and that's really all that matters."
- "I go to church on Sundays. How more involved during the week do I really have to be?"
- "I am content where I am in my faith. There's no need to rock the boat."
- "I may still struggle with some sins, but I go to church, I tithe, I serve... I am a good enough person to be in control."
- "I love God and worship Him in my own way. I don't need to be apart of a fellowship."
- "I want to increase my devotion time, but I'm too busy."
We have all hit the breaks at some point in our journey either because we don't know the glory awaiting us around the bend or because we've caught a glimpse from a safe distance and think that it's enough to satisfy us. Sadder still, there are some that don't even get all that far on the path before the evil one talks them out of continuing.


The Bible says that God is able to do immeasurably more than we can even imagine. I don't know how I would feel if I were to someday find out all of the tremendous blessings that I have robbed from myself through a refusal to go deeper with God and live off of my excuses instead. God has described the blessings intended for us in His word. It is His invitation to go seeking after them, but we will not know how wonderful they are until we experience them! We won't know the extent of God's love or healing until we embrace it with our body, soul and mind. Paul was right. We must not cease in our efforts or abandon the race until we reach the finish line. Even a righteous man like Paul must have been overcome with awe when he finally saw his holy God sitting on His throne.


There certainly was a great application for me that afternoon. Don't slow down now. We must press on and go deeper. It may not seem worthwhile right now, but that's only because we don't know what we're missing out on!

"When I look at the galaxies on a clear night--when I look

at the incredible brilliance of creation, and think that this is

what God is like, then instead of feeling intimidated

and diminished by it, I am enlarged--

I rejoice that I am part of it."

~ Madeleine L'Engle

Over coffee this morning with God...

"How beautiful it is to be alive!

To wake each morn as if the Maker's grace

Did us afresh from nothingness derive."

~ Henry Septimus Sutton

I think of You, Abba, in creation. I see You in all Your beauty and splendour atop a cliff on the coast of Ireland. Only instead of the wind blowing in Your ancient mane, the mighty wind blows out of Your nostrils. The sun rising on the horizon is a reflection of Your own pure golden light that shines from Your eyes. I think of all the beautiful places in this world where You have left Your finger prints. In the delicacy of sweet blushing rose petals or in the raging torrents of the Niagara waterfalls, in the arid desert and the beds of sand, to the fierce cold peak of Everest. Your incredible beauty and craftsmanship are everywhere, be it in the eyes of a cooing newborn babe or in the eye of a tiger, the alignment of the planets in the Milky Way or in the science of human DNA. In the fragility and impermanence of existence, in the ferocity of gales and volcanic eruptions, in the faithfulness of the rotating seasons or in the mystery of the Northern lights, in the territorial dominance of a lion and in the loving cuddles of a newborn kitten, You, Lord, are everywhere!

David knew what he saw saying in Psalm 139, "Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence?" There is not only no location where we can be out of Your sight, but there is no atom or molecule, no vibration of sound, nor a fragment of light that does not reflect You, God. If I were a grain of sand, which I am in the great scheme of things, EVEN THEN, I would not escape Your notice! For that I give You thanks and praise!

"When I walk by the wayside, He is along with me....

Amid all my forgetfulness of Him, He never forgets me."

~ Thomas Chalmers

With every new blessing comes temptation for idolatry, greed and coveteousness. Please forgive me for these sins and my lust that has accompanied them. Forgive me for my nature's desire to supercede You. This is Your world, Your plan and I am an instrument of Your creation. I ask for the forgiveness of my pride and I seek to be welcomed close to the bosom of my Abba and in the comfort of the Potter's hands.

"God came to us because God wanted to join us on the road,

to listen to our story, and to help us realize

that we are not walking in circles,

but moving toward the house of peace and  joy."

~ J. M. Nouwen

I, like most people, have a unique perception of this world. I have a heart that cares for people and causes and my soul wants to have significance. This can leave me restless and impatient on God's timing. Will I ever count? Will I ever do anything of meaning? What is God going to do with my life?  You, my Father, are right to remind me that I was chosen by the God of the universe before birth. You, the author of life, have already plotted the story of my existence. Your perfect son died the death that would have otherwise been mine. All I have to do is obey You and tell others this truth. Where was I during the formation of this earth? When God became flesh and was born of a virgin? When sin and death were conquered? When our Saviour rose from the dead? I was only thought of in Your mind, God. Why do I have the boldness to want to "be somebody'"? Is it not enough that one day I am going to see the greatest battle between good and evil that the universe will ever know?!

Despite what is seemingly boldness, You welcome me into Your throne room. You welcome my questions and beseeching of Your blessings. I have imagined a child of my own someday sitting on my lap telling me of their dreams and what they "want to be" when they grow up. In the same way, Abba, You let me draw near to You. I know that You would regale in my hopes and dreams, for You put the desires in my heart at the very beginning. Lord, may I come to You, not as on "who speaks words without knowledge," but as a woman, as Your child, who wishes to share the treasures of my heart with my father.

Rooms, Chambers, Digs, Pad, Flat

It is three weeks ago today that I moved into my new place of residence...my OWN personal, private, with just me the one and only, apartment. I have a sudden urge to start reeling from the depths of my Soul like the great Rev. King, I HAD a dream that one day I would have a home of my veeeeerrrry own… I can stop there.

On Facebook, I have jubilated over this new rite of passage. I have also done a certain amount of complaining. I have shared with 260 people across the globe that I found FUR in my freezer followed by some pseudo swearwords. Yesterday, I forced myself to find the reasons to be thankful for the facilities that I do have, despite the lack of water pressure (and I am not just being fussy here. I have a witness. It's like a heavy drizzle). Today, I made reference to the disgusting washing machine in the pit of Hades, otherwise known as the basement. This slice of paradise is...well...not paradise, but is it not customary that a person's "first place" is riddled with flaws? That's what gives it character and an endless supply of great anecdotes for years to come. And in the meantime, it greatly enhances our parents’ prayer life!

What else can I say? I am slowly getting used to this new space. If anyone knows me fairly well, they know that I move A LOT. According to the latest tally, this is home #18; 6 moves in the last 6 years. I wish they would have a retreat for "former" TWR MKs because I would have so many questions for them. Mainly, I want to know if they have found a way to settle once back in their homeland. This is something that I have yet to master. I confess that I am still not completely unpacked. It's basically done, but there are a few boxes and a few garbage bags left. I haven't been able to bring myself to finish the job because it's not home yet. Let me explain what I mean by "home." I live by the saying of "home is where I lay my head." For me, this is a literal truth and it has been that way since my parents joined the missions back in approx. 1990. I have only had a transient experience of home. I am looking for roots and stability. I want to make marks that I can leave and enjoy for many years. I would like to feel what it's like to grow with a place again. I want a place where I can watch the seasons roll by year after year. I want to know the house, the rooms, each crook and cranny like the back of my hand. It would be great if I could make it two years, three years would be a record as I have not lived anywhere for three straight years since the last millennium!

Based on the last paragraph, I am committing to make The Old Hux my home. It has advantages, clear disadvantages and a quirky charm that ironically fits in with the story of my life! As Kim, Janine and I huffed up and down the stairs with the boxes (me doing the most huffing and puffing, of course) I couldn't bear the thought of having to repeat this move within another year. In fact, if the heavens had opened and a prophetic voice had told me that I would be moving after a mere year, I would have laid down in the dirt and openly wept right then and there. The day of the move, I learned two important things. 1) Never move into a multiplex structure unequipped with an elevator ever again. 2) Sushi is an awesome way to satisfy and a hard-earned hunger. After dinner, it was just myself in a room full of boxes. Being the sentimental nerd that I am, I decided to put on the pilot episode of Mary Tyler Moore. What could be more fitting than watching the courageous Mary Richards driving down the highway to Minneapolis with Paul Williams singing, "How will you make it on your own? This world is awfully big, girl this time you're all alone. But it's time you started living. It's time you let someone else do some giving." By the third episode, they had me convinced that I'm "gonna make it after all."

Cambiare (Change)

Life is about to change. I should say, "Life is about to change again." I feel a little stalled in my reflection right now because as I think back over the near six months, so much comes flooding towards me: the steps taken in faith, the tears shed, and the wakefulness in the wee hours when I turned the world over in my head. Some days seemed to pass like dreams and some dreams seemed to last for days. I had never lived moment by moment before. Giving up planning and expectations had never occurred to me. I did not know that I could survive without knowing what was going to happen next. "I am not there yet. I will cross that bridge when it's the proper time." I promise you such language has never passed my lips, at least not with any degree of sincerity. Then again, I never took a time out from life before.

"I’ve been walking forty miles of bad road

If the Bible is right, the world will explode

I’ve been trying to get as far away from myself as I can

Some things are too hot to touch

The human mind can only stand so much

You can’t win with a losing hand"

This is a verse from Dylan's song "Things Have Changed." I don't think I could ever have the courage to analyze a Bob Dylan original; I have too much sobriety. Even if I were to succeed, there is no guarantee that I would ever be the same again. However, I not only could, but habitually do, interpret his songs and those of other artists with all of my senses. The words and melody pass through my ears into my brain from which they are transmitted through my body, but the song is changed into a language that only I can understand and emotions that only I can feel. So, at the beginning of my journey, the song sounded like this:

"I’ve been walking twenty-five years of bad road

If the Bible is right, I've reaped what I've sowed

I’ve been trying to get as far away from myself as I can

Some things are too hard to touch

This heart of mine can only stand so much

I've been playing with a losing hand"

Every moment, every experience, every choice I ever made lead to me to that place. There are people who are sponsored to run for charities or to draw awareness for a cure. The marathon I was running was bound for destruction and my sponsors were lies, self-hatred and hopelessness. Fortunately for me, God did not give me a spirit of fear. One of the bridges in this song goes, "Lot of water under the bridge, lot of other stuff too. Don’t get up gentlemen, I’m only passing through." Oh yes, this experience was not like playing "Pooh Sticks." I did not drop a pinecone's worth of emotion into a creek and gleefully watch it pass under a bridge through to the other side. It was more like observing one's own colonic. And no, I didn't come to stay. I went to rest at a divine crossroads where many other weary travellers were "only passing through."

I went in droning a dissonant tune from an old lament and I am coming out feverishly whistling the melody of a new anthem. An artful way of saying that, I need to filter through that verse one more time.

"I’ve been walking six months of steep road

If the Bible is right, I can let down this load

My inner voice is crying out as loud as she can

Denial and I are now out of touch

This heart of mine has grown so much

I've been raised up by a mighty hand"

Now that I am at risk of being sued for plagiarism or desecrating a classic, you might as well check out the real song for yourself. :-) "Things Have Changed" - Bob Dylan - from the film "The Wonder Boys"

Man vs. the Wild

I am not a member of the PETA group. I did not grow up in the country. "Forget Old Yeller", I cried at "Air Bud." I love animals and cannot bear the thought of these precious creatures being hurt. I'm not a vegetarian, though thanks to Gillian McKeith, I don't think that I'll ever be able to eat another hot dog. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CySktp2C_kM

So to put me on the spectrum, I would have to be somewhere in the middle; perhaps an animal lover who lives in ignorance? The mere thought of animal cruelty makes me nauseous, yet I do try to keep a practical frame of mind. Even the cutest furry creatures can cause disease and infestation, and when that happens: you've got to do what you've got to do.

The local pigeons, that is to say one particular female pigeon, decided that my mother's balcony was an ideal place to lay her future hatchlings. Unfortunately this avian mother's plans did not jive with those of my mother. At her request, I have disposed of four eggs in as nearly many days. FACT: Pigeons will take over balconies, if you let them. With bold audacity, these birds start to redecorate the landscape adding a "personal touch" with squirts of toxicity. That is just for starters. Beware, with no intervention, those plump little coo-ers can transform a cozy balcony with a lovely view into a bio-hazardous zone where even angels fear to tread. (I wish I could find the video of "Colin and Justin on the Estate" to give a visual of how bad it can be.) Does it sound like I am trying to justify my involvement in the demise of four wee unhatched pigeons? Maybe a little.

Upon my arrival at my mother's this afternoon, I made it my priority to clear away the new nest. I peered out the window and spotted the mother

laying on her latest deposit. I grabbed a broom from the closet and decided to bring reinforcements: It was time to rouse beautiful Bagheera out of the closet. She can be trustworthy on the balcony, and she has shown generally good hunting skills in the past (mice, a few centipedes and even a bat). I figured that she could intimidate the pigeon, driving it away from it's nest, while I went for the eggs. Baghy was a little bewildered at being abruptly awoken from her nap, flung under my arm and plopped outside. The eyes of cat and bird met. Baghy lowered and cocked her head forward. The pigeon rose onto her talons. Then my ferocious feline turned on her heels and went scurrying back to the balcony door. Like an over-achieving mother, I prodded her to go after the bird, but it was a lost cause. I shooed it away with a broom and scooped up the eggs in the dust pan. I asked Bagheera why she retreated so early on in the stand-off, but she declined to comment.

The eggs had been disposed of and it was time for me to relax. I was about to get cozy in my Mom's bed when I saw that the mother bird had returned to her little bits of dried grass. At first she pecked at them, then, with one strand pinched in her beak, she began to pace in a large circle. I'm no ornithologist, but I watched her for several minutes. At first, I humanized the situation, thinking that she was looking for her lost eggs. Then I began to wonder if there was more method in the ritual she was performing. I have learned that animals do not do a single thing without a reason. Their whole existence is founded on instincts of survival and an inherent obedience to the natural cycle of life.

After a few more minutes, the pigeon settled by sticking her bottom in the air and squishing it in the corner of the balcony; another curious thing.

Animals seem to have been created pre-programmed with their function and the necessary skills to survive. The cycle of their existence continues to revolve regardless of industrial evolution. Their lifestyles are not flexible. They are indifferent to the expectations humans may have for them. Most apartment renters do not a family of pigeons taking over their balconies, country dwellers do not want squirrels hibernating in their walls, gardeners do not want to share their prized vegetable patches with hungry bunnies, there isn't a single corner of the house where mice are welcome, and the list goes on. Are any of these creatures concerned about the needs of man kind? Do they see their point of view? Well, they are not easily deterred and, like Jack the Cat who was told to hit the road, they come back!

For those of you who have stuck with the post this far, you might be wondering what my point is....Good Question! I guess I am presenting a topic for conversation; it certainly is a controversial one. In this world, there are extremists whom have chosen to have themselves neutered in order that the dominance of the globe may return to the untamed beasts of the wild! On the other hand, I might have been struck by the beauty of these mammals who endure the brunt of pollution, continual eviction and the threat of extinction. And yet, they withstand it all with constancy. It makes me thing of the passage,

"Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to Him than they?" - Matthew 6:26

"What is the price of two sparrows--one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it." - Matthew 10:29

My final thought is that the resilience of the animals is a fraction of the power and potential that is ours for the taking. :-)

Verse for March #2

"I raise me eyes toward the mountains.

Where will my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD

the Maker of heaven and earth."

~ Psalm 121:1 & 2

"La Tête de Chien" From franckboyer

A Woman's Right to a Journey

I have been reading “EAT, PRAY, LOVE” by Elizabeth Gilbert. I am a born-again Christian. Not only do I believe in a higher power—an almighty God—I believe in his son Jesus Christ. The way I see it, God is not only the power of the universe, He has an identity, a heart, and a spirit with whom mankind can have a relationship. The existence, holiness and divinity of Jesus is where my difference of opinion with this publicly esteemed author begin and end.

That being explained, I drew a likeness between Gilbert and myself in her search for the understanding of self, the development of intimacy with God and the establishment of balance in her life. On the big screen, I watched Julia Roberts portray her desperate hunger for fulfillment. Not only did I identify with it, I knew that yearning personally. “How perfect it would be,” I thought to myself, “to leave routine life and depart on a pilgrimage across the globe seeking nourishment for the soul.” I know how to eat and enjoy food. If I had a choice, I would rather do it in Europe than Canada. Certainly, I would like to retrain myself in the art of experiencing pleasure (and I’m not referring to food and sex). God endowed me with many interests and aptitudes. I have abandoned so many of my favourite pursuits. I would welcome an opportunity to reconnect with them again. I could spend time every day envisioning myself in front of the Throne of God and fellowship in His presence. And as for love? I want love. I crave being loved, in fact; that’s the problem. Perhaps after a tutorial on enjoying my gifts in this life and growing closer to my heavenly Father, I would be ready to embark in a romantic-loving relationship with a man. As ideal as that sounds, my chest tightens with trepidation at the prospect. Despite our few theological differences, I wanted the same opportunity that Elizabeth Gilbert had been given.

Now, do I want to gain weight in Italy, convert to Hinduism in India and have premarital snogs in Bali? No, but in this case, I really don’t think that is the point. I am a conservative Christian with the life-term goal of being as non-judgmental as Jesus was during His time on earth. He said, “I have come not to condemn the world, but to save it.” Christians can do a lousy job at imitating Christ in this particular department. We are too quick to rise up arms in the name of moral values versus moral depravity. We condemn “non-believers” for not living up to our standards. This tactic is as warranted as belittling a vegetarian for not eating meat or dairy. Why should they? They don’t believe in eating those foods. Granted, vegetarians chastise everyone else who does consume animal meat or dairy products, but we [carnivores] ignore them because their belief system is not our belief system. People who are deemed legally mentally incompetent are not held accountable for their crimes in the same way that any other defendant would be. This is something our society has learned to accept. I am a monotheist who worships only one spirit, the Holy Spirit, and I have committed to keeping sex for marriage. Do I hold people of different value systems accountable to those of my own? No. Why? Because I am not God. God founded the laws to live by for His creation millennia ago and one day He will hold mankind up to His divine moral yardstick, but it is His right to judge, not mine or anybody else’s. If it had been my finger that forged the Ten Commandments onto stone tablets on Mount Sinai, then it would be my right. But as the book of Exodus does not document “Sarah saying thus to Moses,” my only responsibility to my fellow humans is to not judge as so I will be judged. This principle applies to all the followers of Christ.

I mounted this soap box to clarify to any future reader that I have chosen to lay down any unholy weapons of pride, false piety, judgment and moral superiority by not focusing solely on how Elizabeth Gilbert blazed her trail, but why she embarked on it in the first place. Her story puts me in mind of “The Sacred Romance” by Brent Curtis and John Eldridge. Every Christian, nay, human being has felt a stirring in their soul that “there must be something more.” The essence of Gilbert’s mission is a thirst for more of God. This strikes at the very heart of the Christian faith! God wants us to pursue a relationship with Him. When He created Adam and Eve, He gave them free will. He did not fashion robots out of Eden’s dust that would instinctively follow His pleasing and perfect will. God granted us with the freedom of choice. On the other hand, you could say that He did implant a “chip” in the core of our being; a homing device, if you will, that calls the fallen sons and daughters of man back to their heavenly Father. But, though we may all feel the “longing,” we still have to choose to reunite with Him.

It is now twenty-three years ago since I accepted the Spirit of Adoption becoming a daughter of God and yet I still feel that there must be something more! I have tripped, fallen and strayed from the path many times since then, too, and these incidents are more than I can count, but through Jesus’ strength, I have been able to keep moving forward. I have made significant pilgrim’s progress in my life, but my journey is SO far from over! Jesus removed the distance between God and man the day He died and the curtain was torn, but so nearer to the heart of God I need to be.

This is why everyone who has decided to follow Jesus should desire a similar pilgrimage. Our spiritual health is more important than anything else in this world, and we all are in need of a sabbatical from our chaotic-lives at some point before we die. I do not recall when or how I petitioned God, but at some point after seeing the movie “Eat, Pray, Love”, I prayed that I could be blessed with the same opportunity to know myself and know God. In a very unexpected way, this prayer was answered. I am coming to the end of the fourth month in my journey and it is time to evaluate the distance I’ve covered, compare my “enlightenments” with the words of the author herself, and regroup with some Christian resources to help me on the course awaiting me.

Please allow me one more segue before I finish! I was beyond encouraged when I discovered that God also inspired another godly woman whom I greatly admire. One night while scrolling through the “Living Proof” website, I spotted a familiar title: “Eat, Pray, Love.” Only this was a lecture on “One Woman's Search for Everything Across Israel, Egypt and Exile”, inspired by the writings of the prophet Jeremiah and presented by my favourite Beth Moore. I make a conscious effort not to idolize Beth because she is no more perfect and immortal than I am! She has been obedient to the Spirit, though, and God has blessed so many other imperfect and mortal women through her. What a special confirmation from the LORD that He understood the desire of my heart and was honouring my resolve to be true to my faith. There is no eloquent way of concluding this monologue except to say that I am so excited to learn and discover God’s truth for His people. May the next chapter of my journey begin!

Verse for March #1

"I keep asking that the God of [my] Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give [me] the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that [I] may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of [my] heart may be enlightened in order that [I] may know the hope to which He has called [me]." ~ Ephesians 1:17 & 18a