Scrambling

This is a journal post from July 2nd, 2011. I meant to post this sooner, but you know how it is!

My friend Janine loves challenging her physical limits. She climbs the escarpment stairs, goes for long hikes in the woods and, get this, she likes to scale waterfalls! I wish that I had her physical strength and endurance. Today, I decided to take a page out of her book and challenge myself in a like way. For me, this required inner strength to push myself out of my comfort zone. Deep down, I know that I have an adventurous spirit that could match hers, but it is my practice to make excuses and pose as a colossal chicken. 

On our walk alongside the train tracks back to the car, I shared some anecdotes to explain where some of my reservations come from. I am, or at least was, every gym teacher or camp counsellor's nightmare. To be fair, they were up there on the "yikes-meter" for me as well. I was the non-athletic, slightly chubby kid with the SPF-to-infinity sunblock, the asthma, the allergies, the irrational fear of all creepy-crawling creatures and very accident-prone to top it all off. I have a deep appreciation for nature, but I'm either allergic to it or intimidated by it. The stories I could tell of my summers as a child (and even in my late teens) could go on for pages! For me, childhood memories of day excursions go hand in hand with stinging antiseptic and antibiotic ointments for the hundreds of bug bites on my legs! To this day, I have an aversion to creams and lotions. This is background information to illustrate a point. I learned early on that it was easier to avoid certain pass times rather than participate and suffer the humiliation of being the weaker member of the group. Excuses and avoidance always seem easier than challenging our shortcomings head-on. The tragedy is that it is never anywhere near as rewarding as being an overcomer!

In the last few years, I have been making a deliberate effort to push my limits far beyond my fears. That is why I took up the invitation to join Janine and her friend Elena on today's excursion. The goal: to reach Tew's Falls-- the tallest waterfall in Hamilton. How was this to be achieved? By going off the beaten track deep into the woods and scale along the side of the escarpment. How long would this take? I was told three hours both ways. Was I up for it? I wasn't too sure, but I was going anyways! With enthusiasm slightly diluted with worry, I ducked into the woods. In single file, we maneuvered up and down steep hills. Janine confidently lead the way and I brought in the rear. As this was my first time, I knew the back of the line was best because I wouldn't be able to move as quickly as the 'scrambling' veterans I was accompanying. There was a basic path to follow and yellow markers left by spray paint to guide the way. But the path itself was over grown with shrubs, uneven, mucky in some areas and snared with tree roots. Discernment was required at all times. Will that rock give me momentum or might it be loose? Should I descend this muddy hill walking upright or by scaling down backwards? Can I keep my balance or should I grab hold of the trees? At various points, I was lagging behind a considerable distance. My mantra was, "Know your strength and don't be a fool." It was better  to go slower with caution than to pridefully attempt their quicker pace and end up falling. I'm afraid that I missed a lot of the natural beauty that surrounded me because my eyes were permanently fixated on Elena's feet. Her shoes were my guide. I remained intently focused on her tread and nothing else.


A few minutes into the hike, the negative talk began its taunt:
"Whatever made you think you could do this?"
"You are too out of shape."
"You aren't going to make it there and back."

Instinctively, my body started to respond physically with anxiety. My heart was racing, I could hear my breath getting heavier. Twenty minutes in, my left calf started to cramp. We stopped at lower Tews which gave me a moment to rest and regroup. It was a pretty sight as is all Hamilton woods. I took a few pictures. A father with his two girls and son bathed  under the waterfall fully clothed. The children laughed and splashed each other. I longed to jump in with them to cool off. A speckled frog was hopping along the bank. I caught it on the first try. Took me back to summer afternoons in Omeemee at Handi*Camp. For a few minutes, I felt that it was worth the trip, but there was one concern looming still. I looked up stream and the main waterfall was still far from sight. My train of thought went something like this:

"This is a lovely spot. I think that I would be content to stop here and miss the big one. I have put in a lot of effort after all. Maybe I could make my way to the campsite and wait for them."


Even though, my mind outlined reasons to quit, my pride was having none of it! We had to go back up the way we had descended into Lower Tews to get back on the trail. I was literally crawling up a mucky slippery slope on my hands and knees. I was covered in mud, I was sweating like I never had before in my life and I was feeling very out of my league. I should add that it was an exceptionally hot and humid day. The final lap to the falls became more intense. Exhaustion was setting in. My legs were starting to feel weak and I was stumbling more and more on the rocks. The mental obstacle was that I had no idea how far away our destination might be. The further we went, the longer the walk back would be. I was feeling discouraged and the urge to cry was bubbling up to the surface. I am happy to say that I refrained from crying although I'm sure that it would have been a wonderful release.


Tews was now in sight. Climbing over a fallen tree gave me a few seconds to stop. At this point, I was pitifully out of breath. My gasps weren't caused by my asthma, but simply from fatigue. Tews looked beautiful in the distance, but never the less I considered packing it in once more.


"Technically, I made it. I accomplished my goal. How close do I really have to get? I could stop here and admire it just as well from a distance."


I have no idea what might have been written on my face at that moment, everything I was thinking or (the bottom line) that I was running out of steam. Regardless, Janine looked at me and said that we would be stopping for a break once we reached the falls. I had made up my mind in the car ride there that I would not whine or do anything to make her regret having asked me along. I had to say though that I had just enough strength to get to the falls and walk back to the car, but that was it!


From there, the two girls made a decent advance on me. The rocks were now covered with moss and quite slippery. I couldn't suppress my panting anymore. I was so close! I tried to speed up to get the last ten yards over with, but each time I would take my eyes off the path in front of me, I would slip and fall. The Apostle Paul told us to always keep our eyes on the prize. Looking ahead to the inviting waterfall helped motivate me, but it also made me wipeout twice. I don't think the girls saw it which actually helped as my pride was playing a leading role this afternoon.


Finally, I reached it! A stunning beauty, 135 feet high! It took a few minutes before my squinting eyes could take it all in.

The falls were dazzling in the bright sunlight. The roar of the rushing water was terrific. It emitted a powerful spray that covered me in a fine mist. It left me refreshed and completely soaked through! Staring up in awe of this natural wonderful, I felt closer to heaven. I told Janine that I felt like I was staring into the face of God.
"I think God is more handsome than that," she smiled.
"That's true," I agreed. "But it's a wonderful glimpse!"
"Yes!" she nodded. "It's a glimpse."
After taking some photos, we sat down on a log, rehydrated ourselves with bottled water and snacked on juicy apples. Janine and Elena chatted and I disappeared into my own thoughts. I remembered the different times I had wanted to stop in the previous hour. It was clearly evident that every stride and grunt of that hike had been worth it! It would have been total foolishness to have stopped any sooner than I did. I had to get to the destination in order to realize that though. There is no way that I could have known that any sooner.


It occurred to me that there was a parallel between that challenge and the Christian's devotion to God. When our walk gets rough, the prospect of bailing becomes very tempting. We don't take that step of faith because we're not sure if God's going to meet us around the bend. We hold onto anger or unconfessed sin instead of going deeper in our relationship with Jesus Christ. We rationalize our actions in various ways:
- "I have salvation and that's really all that matters."
- "I go to church on Sundays. How more involved during the week do I really have to be?"
- "I am content where I am in my faith. There's no need to rock the boat."
- "I may still struggle with some sins, but I go to church, I tithe, I serve... I am a good enough person to be in control."
- "I love God and worship Him in my own way. I don't need to be apart of a fellowship."
- "I want to increase my devotion time, but I'm too busy."
We have all hit the breaks at some point in our journey either because we don't know the glory awaiting us around the bend or because we've caught a glimpse from a safe distance and think that it's enough to satisfy us. Sadder still, there are some that don't even get all that far on the path before the evil one talks them out of continuing.


The Bible says that God is able to do immeasurably more than we can even imagine. I don't know how I would feel if I were to someday find out all of the tremendous blessings that I have robbed from myself through a refusal to go deeper with God and live off of my excuses instead. God has described the blessings intended for us in His word. It is His invitation to go seeking after them, but we will not know how wonderful they are until we experience them! We won't know the extent of God's love or healing until we embrace it with our body, soul and mind. Paul was right. We must not cease in our efforts or abandon the race until we reach the finish line. Even a righteous man like Paul must have been overcome with awe when he finally saw his holy God sitting on His throne.


There certainly was a great application for me that afternoon. Don't slow down now. We must press on and go deeper. It may not seem worthwhile right now, but that's only because we don't know what we're missing out on!

"When I look at the galaxies on a clear night--when I look

at the incredible brilliance of creation, and think that this is

what God is like, then instead of feeling intimidated

and diminished by it, I am enlarged--

I rejoice that I am part of it."

~ Madeleine L'Engle

Over coffee this morning with God...

"How beautiful it is to be alive!

To wake each morn as if the Maker's grace

Did us afresh from nothingness derive."

~ Henry Septimus Sutton

I think of You, Abba, in creation. I see You in all Your beauty and splendour atop a cliff on the coast of Ireland. Only instead of the wind blowing in Your ancient mane, the mighty wind blows out of Your nostrils. The sun rising on the horizon is a reflection of Your own pure golden light that shines from Your eyes. I think of all the beautiful places in this world where You have left Your finger prints. In the delicacy of sweet blushing rose petals or in the raging torrents of the Niagara waterfalls, in the arid desert and the beds of sand, to the fierce cold peak of Everest. Your incredible beauty and craftsmanship are everywhere, be it in the eyes of a cooing newborn babe or in the eye of a tiger, the alignment of the planets in the Milky Way or in the science of human DNA. In the fragility and impermanence of existence, in the ferocity of gales and volcanic eruptions, in the faithfulness of the rotating seasons or in the mystery of the Northern lights, in the territorial dominance of a lion and in the loving cuddles of a newborn kitten, You, Lord, are everywhere!

David knew what he saw saying in Psalm 139, "Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence?" There is not only no location where we can be out of Your sight, but there is no atom or molecule, no vibration of sound, nor a fragment of light that does not reflect You, God. If I were a grain of sand, which I am in the great scheme of things, EVEN THEN, I would not escape Your notice! For that I give You thanks and praise!

"When I walk by the wayside, He is along with me....

Amid all my forgetfulness of Him, He never forgets me."

~ Thomas Chalmers

With every new blessing comes temptation for idolatry, greed and coveteousness. Please forgive me for these sins and my lust that has accompanied them. Forgive me for my nature's desire to supercede You. This is Your world, Your plan and I am an instrument of Your creation. I ask for the forgiveness of my pride and I seek to be welcomed close to the bosom of my Abba and in the comfort of the Potter's hands.

"God came to us because God wanted to join us on the road,

to listen to our story, and to help us realize

that we are not walking in circles,

but moving toward the house of peace and  joy."

~ J. M. Nouwen

I, like most people, have a unique perception of this world. I have a heart that cares for people and causes and my soul wants to have significance. This can leave me restless and impatient on God's timing. Will I ever count? Will I ever do anything of meaning? What is God going to do with my life?  You, my Father, are right to remind me that I was chosen by the God of the universe before birth. You, the author of life, have already plotted the story of my existence. Your perfect son died the death that would have otherwise been mine. All I have to do is obey You and tell others this truth. Where was I during the formation of this earth? When God became flesh and was born of a virgin? When sin and death were conquered? When our Saviour rose from the dead? I was only thought of in Your mind, God. Why do I have the boldness to want to "be somebody'"? Is it not enough that one day I am going to see the greatest battle between good and evil that the universe will ever know?!

Despite what is seemingly boldness, You welcome me into Your throne room. You welcome my questions and beseeching of Your blessings. I have imagined a child of my own someday sitting on my lap telling me of their dreams and what they "want to be" when they grow up. In the same way, Abba, You let me draw near to You. I know that You would regale in my hopes and dreams, for You put the desires in my heart at the very beginning. Lord, may I come to You, not as on "who speaks words without knowledge," but as a woman, as Your child, who wishes to share the treasures of my heart with my father.