The Last Bit of Oil & Flour

I love it when I find grown-up applications from the Bible stories I recall from childhood. It is special to see how seeds that were sown by my parents and Sunday school teachers through story telling are sustaining me twenty years later. 

Over the last year, I have been drawing from one of the miracles performed through Elijah. He was a prophet during the reign of King Ahab, probably the most evil king Israel ever saw. If that name doesn't ring a bell, Queen Jezebel, his wife, most certainly will. As a result of their wicked ways, Elijah told this royal power couple that there would be no more rain or dew unless he said so. Then, he immediately went into hiding as Queen Jezebel went on a bloodthirsty killing spree of prophets. God sustained him during that time providing him ravens to bring him food and a brook to give him water. Naturally, with no rain, the brook dried up, so the Lord sent him to a town called Zarephath. Elijah was told to be on the look out for a widow. Upon his arrival, he saw her gathering sticks not far from the town gate. He asked her to bring him a little jar of water and a piece of bread. Now the widow was quite willing to fetch him some water, but the piece of bread was a big request. She honestly told him, “As surely as the LORD your God lives, I don’t have any bread—only a handful of flour in a jar and a little olive oil in a jug. I am gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it—and die.” 

It's a heartbreaking scene. It is just her and her loved one. She is poor, also suffering from the drought, and about to use up her last natural resources. In the mind of this widow, there is no hope. They will feed their hunger pains one last time and then die. 

In our Western society, we don't experience the harsh reality of drought too often, certainly not to the point of dying of starvation. But some of us do know the hardship of poverty, the lack of resources and the hopelessness that can come from it. This past winter, Kevin and I entered into a season of "financial" drought. We were married on New Year's Eve in Niagara Falls. We truly had the wedding day of both our dreams: a modest ceremony and celebration--simple and intimate--that transpired without a glitch and did NOT put us into debt! We were blessed beyond measure! We began married life January 1st, 2012 without a penny of credit card debt to our name. Kevin was laid off for the winter season just before Christmas. The timing wasn't ideal, but we had a plan and we had faith. He applied for E.I. well in advance; the Service Canada agent said that it all seemed in order. All we had to do was wait for the first deposit. God had blessed me with a low rent apartment months before (that's low "cost" rent, not low "small means and no class" rent). We had minimal expenses, I was working, and with the generous wedding gifts, we could easily swing it for five weeks if it took that long. Aye, that was the rub. We waited more than five weeks. 

I put the monetary gifts in a little red box in our apartment. I used diligence and tried to go in there as little as possible, but eventually bills were due and the bank account was getting low. I watched the balance drop, dipped more and more in the box, until there was a single Sir-Robert-Borden left. Don't worry Americans; even the Canadian readers are scratching their heads trying to figure out who that is. $100 was left in the box.

The parallel should be obvious at this point. Were we on the brink of starvation or bankruptcy? No. Could we have borrowed money if we needed to? Yes (as a last resort). We were feeling the pressure though. To use that last bill was going to require faith because it was still a week away from my next paycheck. Now before you start reaching for tissues, I caution you to wait because with God there is always hope.

So, the widow has just laid out her plight to Elijah, but he answers her back with words of hope and a challenge for her to have faith in their God. In response, he says,  “Don’t be afraid. Go home and do as you have said. But first make a small loaf of bread for me from what you have and bring it to me, and then make something for yourself and your son. For this is what the LORD, the God of Israel, says: ‘The jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the LORD sends rain on the land.’” The Bible says that she went away and did as Elijah told her. Being a woman, I can't help but wonder if she leaped up and prepared the food without thinking twice. At the very least, I can imagine her weighing out the pros and cons as she is walking back to the house. After all, this was going to mean less food for her and her son. Could she believe Elijah? It's not like she could quickly check him out on Facebook and verify that he listed "Prophet, Messenger of God" as his job on his profile. In all seriousness, it would require a lot of faith to carry those instructions out. Praise God that she did for He was faithful as always! There was food every day for Elijah and for the woman and her family. The jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry! Read 1 Kings 17 if you don't believe me.

On a Sunday morning in early February, Kevin and I headed down to the beach. We spent our time between discussion and prayer. In my experience, whenever I seek God when out in nature, it is always a divine appointment. But this wasn't one of those sunny, feel good, God is good because we haven't a care in the world kind of meeting. It was overcast, windy, and lightly raining. This was one of those get serious, cling to God's promises because you have nowhere else to turn moments. Married a month, we were looking ahead to the future. Where did we want to live? What did we want to do? What did we want our life to look like? These and many more big questions were at the forefront of our minds. We huddled together beside a rock to keep warm and to be close as we prayed. Jointly we felt enveloped by the Holy Spirit with comfort, hope and strength. We both saw a similar vision of the many ways God was going to bless us. By the time we returned to the car, we both felt strengthened in will, faith and endurance. Refreshed in spirit, I could withdraw that last bill out of the red box with confidence. We stocked up on groceries and praised God. 

When I returned from work that night, Kevin had great news. He had received a phone call that $50 was coming for us as a wedding gift. The next morning, a card was in the letterbox from a relative. Inside was a cheque for $75. In less than 24 hours, God had replenished our box; we were up $25 from the day before. It was at this time, that I thought of the story of Elijah and the widow. I told Kevin that I knew our little red box would never stay empty!

If you know the Bible story well, you may recall that after the initial blessing, the widow's faith and even Elijah's faith were tested one more time. In summary, the widow's son became very sick to the point of death. Overcome with fear and grief, the widow accused Elijah of having come to bring judgment on her. Does that relate at all? Crisis hits and immediately assume that God is punishing us. We see trials as an affliction put on us by an arbitrary God. I am not about to presume to know the mind of God and say that He allows these things for a reason, nor will I say that God has nothing to do with it. All I will say, because this is what I have learned, if trials do come, fall at the feet of Jesus. Surrender the situation into His nail-pierced that bore sin and death for you. If you have Christ in your life know that He already took away the judgment. There is no more condemnation. So don't think that God is punishing you through the hard times, but know that there is nothing more than blessing to be given. The God that sacrificed and resurrected His son will carry you through. Elijah pleaded for God to give back the life to the widow's son and, you guessed right, God granted it. 

About a week after our morning at the beach, we were still waiting for the E.I. It was by no means easy, but we were given sufficient faith each day and believed that God would be our provider. Six and a half days of waiting, then the unexpected happened. Kevin picked me up from work. As soon as I sat in the car and heard the tone in his voice, I braced myself. He had finally got through to someone with Service Canada. His claim was denied because he was 2 hours short.  Each in our turn, we felt like the wind had been knocked out of us. How could this have happened? The agent in Stratford had been grossly incorrect in her calculation of Kevin's hours. Unfortunately, her error had no impact on the claim; their decision was final. 

Now I am not about prattle on about how we handled this with grace and decorum, or that we didn't bat an eyelash in fear or doubt. I have been honest this far, why would I start lying to you now?! Over the next several weeks, there was tension and spats; we took turns beating ourselves us down with feelings of guilt; periodically doubt would try to grab a foothold and I would cling to Kevin and bawl. BUT before we went to bed each night, we would acknowledge that God was in control. He had brought us so far; He was not going to abandon us now. And over those several weeks, there were more unexpected cards with money; there were deals and coupons in flyers that saved us money; we were supported by friends and family, held up by the righteous right hand of God and we did not see the bottom of that little red box. As a visual to spur us on, I put two bottles on our TV: one had a little oil, the other a little flour. We claimed the promise given to the widow that our resources would not run dry until Kevin was called back to work. 

Would it have been easier to have just received the E.I. or for Kevin to have been working straight through the winter? Absolutely. God would have been providing for our needs as much in that scenario as did for us in reality. The difference is that we would have thought WE were providing for ourselves. I doubt that many people look at their paycheck and say, "God gave me this money." No, we say, "I can't believe how little they paid me! I earned way more than that!" Or is that just me... For the first three months of our marriage, the truth was inescapable. GOD was providing every dollar. The other way would have been easier, but how blessed were we to see God's hand, to experience a visual of God's daily bread. Or as a family friend said, "God loves to reveal Himself!" Some of the ways we received money was miraculous. Kevin needed $40 for the car. The next day, one of my textbooks on kijiji sold for $40 exactly. When we had given up on receiving the E.I. or even trying to open a new claim or appeal, we were contacted from a man relatively high up with Service Canada. Long story short, he gave us the step-by-step to reapply and two weeks later, we got our first deposit!

I could go on, as indeed I already have. The Holy Spirit has been reminding me everyday to write this blog entry, so I didn't want to leave out a detail. When God blesses you in such an amazing way, you need to share it! After Jesus freed a man from a "legion" of demons, He instructed him, “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how He has had mercy on you.”

The Lord has had mercy on us and has blessed us ever so richly. I pray with confidence that He will do the same for you.

Treasures in Proverbs 30 and things I didn't know about hyraxes

Proverbs is one of those books that doesn't get read enough, I think. I can't speak for everyone, but I always think, I should read from this section of the Bible. After all, it is full of advice on daily living. I constantly cling to the verse James 1:5 and pray, "Lord, I lack wisdom, and I know I should ask You, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to me." I wonder if God ever says, "I gave you a book in the Bible with words of wisdom...read it lately?"

Well, I have decided to read a chapter a day, and I am starting from the end and working backwards. Why? Not sure. I am one of those people who sets out to read something, then hits a plateau, never getting to the end. So, why not start at the end and read the things I have always missed? Anyways, enough of my rambling musings. Let's get to the part relevant to the title which is why you are probably reading this in the first place! :-)

This chapter is actually not written by King Solomon. It is my a little-known man named Agur. He was a humble man who declared that he was not all that wise. Verse 1-3, “I am weary, God, but I can prevail. Surely I am only a brute, not a man; I do not have human understanding. I have not learned wisdom, nor have I attained to the knowledge of the Holy One." Despite what Agur says, I believe he must have loved and sought after God with all his heart, soul & mind because his words in this chapter are greatly inspired. Read it for yourselves. These are just excerpts that filled my heart today.

By the way, a hyrax is "a small herbivorous mammal with a compact body and a very short tail, found in arid country in Africa and Arabia." (It will make sense by the end:-)

Visions of God in His Power 

"Who has gone up to heaven and come down? 

Whose hands have gathered up the wind? 

Who has wrapped up the waters in a cloak? 

Who has established all the ends of the earth? 

What is his name, and what is the name of his son? 

Surely you know!"

~ Verse 4 ~

Words to Live By

“Two things I ask of you, LORD; do not refuse me before I die:

 Keep falsehood and lies far from me; 

give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. 

Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’ 

Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God."

~ Verses 7-9 ~

Observing the World with Delighted Interest  

“There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: 

the way of an eagle in the sky,

 the way of a snake on a rock, 

the way of a ship on the high seas, 

and the way of a man with a young woman." 

~ Verses 18 & 19 ~

Learning from Nature  

“Four things on earth are small, yet they are extremely wise: 

Ants are creatures of little strength, yet they store up their food in the summer; 

hyraxes are creatures of little power, yet they make their home in the crags; 

locusts have no king, yet they advance together in ranks; 

a lizard can be caught with the hand, yet it is found in kings’ palaces."

~ Verses 24-28 ~

Hyrax

Scrambling

This is a journal post from July 2nd, 2011. I meant to post this sooner, but you know how it is!

My friend Janine loves challenging her physical limits. She climbs the escarpment stairs, goes for long hikes in the woods and, get this, she likes to scale waterfalls! I wish that I had her physical strength and endurance. Today, I decided to take a page out of her book and challenge myself in a like way. For me, this required inner strength to push myself out of my comfort zone. Deep down, I know that I have an adventurous spirit that could match hers, but it is my practice to make excuses and pose as a colossal chicken. 

On our walk alongside the train tracks back to the car, I shared some anecdotes to explain where some of my reservations come from. I am, or at least was, every gym teacher or camp counsellor's nightmare. To be fair, they were up there on the "yikes-meter" for me as well. I was the non-athletic, slightly chubby kid with the SPF-to-infinity sunblock, the asthma, the allergies, the irrational fear of all creepy-crawling creatures and very accident-prone to top it all off. I have a deep appreciation for nature, but I'm either allergic to it or intimidated by it. The stories I could tell of my summers as a child (and even in my late teens) could go on for pages! For me, childhood memories of day excursions go hand in hand with stinging antiseptic and antibiotic ointments for the hundreds of bug bites on my legs! To this day, I have an aversion to creams and lotions. This is background information to illustrate a point. I learned early on that it was easier to avoid certain pass times rather than participate and suffer the humiliation of being the weaker member of the group. Excuses and avoidance always seem easier than challenging our shortcomings head-on. The tragedy is that it is never anywhere near as rewarding as being an overcomer!

In the last few years, I have been making a deliberate effort to push my limits far beyond my fears. That is why I took up the invitation to join Janine and her friend Elena on today's excursion. The goal: to reach Tew's Falls-- the tallest waterfall in Hamilton. How was this to be achieved? By going off the beaten track deep into the woods and scale along the side of the escarpment. How long would this take? I was told three hours both ways. Was I up for it? I wasn't too sure, but I was going anyways! With enthusiasm slightly diluted with worry, I ducked into the woods. In single file, we maneuvered up and down steep hills. Janine confidently lead the way and I brought in the rear. As this was my first time, I knew the back of the line was best because I wouldn't be able to move as quickly as the 'scrambling' veterans I was accompanying. There was a basic path to follow and yellow markers left by spray paint to guide the way. But the path itself was over grown with shrubs, uneven, mucky in some areas and snared with tree roots. Discernment was required at all times. Will that rock give me momentum or might it be loose? Should I descend this muddy hill walking upright or by scaling down backwards? Can I keep my balance or should I grab hold of the trees? At various points, I was lagging behind a considerable distance. My mantra was, "Know your strength and don't be a fool." It was better  to go slower with caution than to pridefully attempt their quicker pace and end up falling. I'm afraid that I missed a lot of the natural beauty that surrounded me because my eyes were permanently fixated on Elena's feet. Her shoes were my guide. I remained intently focused on her tread and nothing else.


A few minutes into the hike, the negative talk began its taunt:
"Whatever made you think you could do this?"
"You are too out of shape."
"You aren't going to make it there and back."

Instinctively, my body started to respond physically with anxiety. My heart was racing, I could hear my breath getting heavier. Twenty minutes in, my left calf started to cramp. We stopped at lower Tews which gave me a moment to rest and regroup. It was a pretty sight as is all Hamilton woods. I took a few pictures. A father with his two girls and son bathed  under the waterfall fully clothed. The children laughed and splashed each other. I longed to jump in with them to cool off. A speckled frog was hopping along the bank. I caught it on the first try. Took me back to summer afternoons in Omeemee at Handi*Camp. For a few minutes, I felt that it was worth the trip, but there was one concern looming still. I looked up stream and the main waterfall was still far from sight. My train of thought went something like this:

"This is a lovely spot. I think that I would be content to stop here and miss the big one. I have put in a lot of effort after all. Maybe I could make my way to the campsite and wait for them."


Even though, my mind outlined reasons to quit, my pride was having none of it! We had to go back up the way we had descended into Lower Tews to get back on the trail. I was literally crawling up a mucky slippery slope on my hands and knees. I was covered in mud, I was sweating like I never had before in my life and I was feeling very out of my league. I should add that it was an exceptionally hot and humid day. The final lap to the falls became more intense. Exhaustion was setting in. My legs were starting to feel weak and I was stumbling more and more on the rocks. The mental obstacle was that I had no idea how far away our destination might be. The further we went, the longer the walk back would be. I was feeling discouraged and the urge to cry was bubbling up to the surface. I am happy to say that I refrained from crying although I'm sure that it would have been a wonderful release.


Tews was now in sight. Climbing over a fallen tree gave me a few seconds to stop. At this point, I was pitifully out of breath. My gasps weren't caused by my asthma, but simply from fatigue. Tews looked beautiful in the distance, but never the less I considered packing it in once more.


"Technically, I made it. I accomplished my goal. How close do I really have to get? I could stop here and admire it just as well from a distance."


I have no idea what might have been written on my face at that moment, everything I was thinking or (the bottom line) that I was running out of steam. Regardless, Janine looked at me and said that we would be stopping for a break once we reached the falls. I had made up my mind in the car ride there that I would not whine or do anything to make her regret having asked me along. I had to say though that I had just enough strength to get to the falls and walk back to the car, but that was it!


From there, the two girls made a decent advance on me. The rocks were now covered with moss and quite slippery. I couldn't suppress my panting anymore. I was so close! I tried to speed up to get the last ten yards over with, but each time I would take my eyes off the path in front of me, I would slip and fall. The Apostle Paul told us to always keep our eyes on the prize. Looking ahead to the inviting waterfall helped motivate me, but it also made me wipeout twice. I don't think the girls saw it which actually helped as my pride was playing a leading role this afternoon.


Finally, I reached it! A stunning beauty, 135 feet high! It took a few minutes before my squinting eyes could take it all in.

The falls were dazzling in the bright sunlight. The roar of the rushing water was terrific. It emitted a powerful spray that covered me in a fine mist. It left me refreshed and completely soaked through! Staring up in awe of this natural wonderful, I felt closer to heaven. I told Janine that I felt like I was staring into the face of God.
"I think God is more handsome than that," she smiled.
"That's true," I agreed. "But it's a wonderful glimpse!"
"Yes!" she nodded. "It's a glimpse."
After taking some photos, we sat down on a log, rehydrated ourselves with bottled water and snacked on juicy apples. Janine and Elena chatted and I disappeared into my own thoughts. I remembered the different times I had wanted to stop in the previous hour. It was clearly evident that every stride and grunt of that hike had been worth it! It would have been total foolishness to have stopped any sooner than I did. I had to get to the destination in order to realize that though. There is no way that I could have known that any sooner.


It occurred to me that there was a parallel between that challenge and the Christian's devotion to God. When our walk gets rough, the prospect of bailing becomes very tempting. We don't take that step of faith because we're not sure if God's going to meet us around the bend. We hold onto anger or unconfessed sin instead of going deeper in our relationship with Jesus Christ. We rationalize our actions in various ways:
- "I have salvation and that's really all that matters."
- "I go to church on Sundays. How more involved during the week do I really have to be?"
- "I am content where I am in my faith. There's no need to rock the boat."
- "I may still struggle with some sins, but I go to church, I tithe, I serve... I am a good enough person to be in control."
- "I love God and worship Him in my own way. I don't need to be apart of a fellowship."
- "I want to increase my devotion time, but I'm too busy."
We have all hit the breaks at some point in our journey either because we don't know the glory awaiting us around the bend or because we've caught a glimpse from a safe distance and think that it's enough to satisfy us. Sadder still, there are some that don't even get all that far on the path before the evil one talks them out of continuing.


The Bible says that God is able to do immeasurably more than we can even imagine. I don't know how I would feel if I were to someday find out all of the tremendous blessings that I have robbed from myself through a refusal to go deeper with God and live off of my excuses instead. God has described the blessings intended for us in His word. It is His invitation to go seeking after them, but we will not know how wonderful they are until we experience them! We won't know the extent of God's love or healing until we embrace it with our body, soul and mind. Paul was right. We must not cease in our efforts or abandon the race until we reach the finish line. Even a righteous man like Paul must have been overcome with awe when he finally saw his holy God sitting on His throne.


There certainly was a great application for me that afternoon. Don't slow down now. We must press on and go deeper. It may not seem worthwhile right now, but that's only because we don't know what we're missing out on!

"When I look at the galaxies on a clear night--when I look

at the incredible brilliance of creation, and think that this is

what God is like, then instead of feeling intimidated

and diminished by it, I am enlarged--

I rejoice that I am part of it."

~ Madeleine L'Engle

Over coffee this morning with God...

"How beautiful it is to be alive!

To wake each morn as if the Maker's grace

Did us afresh from nothingness derive."

~ Henry Septimus Sutton

I think of You, Abba, in creation. I see You in all Your beauty and splendour atop a cliff on the coast of Ireland. Only instead of the wind blowing in Your ancient mane, the mighty wind blows out of Your nostrils. The sun rising on the horizon is a reflection of Your own pure golden light that shines from Your eyes. I think of all the beautiful places in this world where You have left Your finger prints. In the delicacy of sweet blushing rose petals or in the raging torrents of the Niagara waterfalls, in the arid desert and the beds of sand, to the fierce cold peak of Everest. Your incredible beauty and craftsmanship are everywhere, be it in the eyes of a cooing newborn babe or in the eye of a tiger, the alignment of the planets in the Milky Way or in the science of human DNA. In the fragility and impermanence of existence, in the ferocity of gales and volcanic eruptions, in the faithfulness of the rotating seasons or in the mystery of the Northern lights, in the territorial dominance of a lion and in the loving cuddles of a newborn kitten, You, Lord, are everywhere!

David knew what he saw saying in Psalm 139, "Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence?" There is not only no location where we can be out of Your sight, but there is no atom or molecule, no vibration of sound, nor a fragment of light that does not reflect You, God. If I were a grain of sand, which I am in the great scheme of things, EVEN THEN, I would not escape Your notice! For that I give You thanks and praise!

"When I walk by the wayside, He is along with me....

Amid all my forgetfulness of Him, He never forgets me."

~ Thomas Chalmers

With every new blessing comes temptation for idolatry, greed and coveteousness. Please forgive me for these sins and my lust that has accompanied them. Forgive me for my nature's desire to supercede You. This is Your world, Your plan and I am an instrument of Your creation. I ask for the forgiveness of my pride and I seek to be welcomed close to the bosom of my Abba and in the comfort of the Potter's hands.

"God came to us because God wanted to join us on the road,

to listen to our story, and to help us realize

that we are not walking in circles,

but moving toward the house of peace and  joy."

~ J. M. Nouwen

I, like most people, have a unique perception of this world. I have a heart that cares for people and causes and my soul wants to have significance. This can leave me restless and impatient on God's timing. Will I ever count? Will I ever do anything of meaning? What is God going to do with my life?  You, my Father, are right to remind me that I was chosen by the God of the universe before birth. You, the author of life, have already plotted the story of my existence. Your perfect son died the death that would have otherwise been mine. All I have to do is obey You and tell others this truth. Where was I during the formation of this earth? When God became flesh and was born of a virgin? When sin and death were conquered? When our Saviour rose from the dead? I was only thought of in Your mind, God. Why do I have the boldness to want to "be somebody'"? Is it not enough that one day I am going to see the greatest battle between good and evil that the universe will ever know?!

Despite what is seemingly boldness, You welcome me into Your throne room. You welcome my questions and beseeching of Your blessings. I have imagined a child of my own someday sitting on my lap telling me of their dreams and what they "want to be" when they grow up. In the same way, Abba, You let me draw near to You. I know that You would regale in my hopes and dreams, for You put the desires in my heart at the very beginning. Lord, may I come to You, not as on "who speaks words without knowledge," but as a woman, as Your child, who wishes to share the treasures of my heart with my father.

Rooms, Chambers, Digs, Pad, Flat

It is three weeks ago today that I moved into my new place of residence...my OWN personal, private, with just me the one and only, apartment. I have a sudden urge to start reeling from the depths of my Soul like the great Rev. King, I HAD a dream that one day I would have a home of my veeeeerrrry own… I can stop there.

On Facebook, I have jubilated over this new rite of passage. I have also done a certain amount of complaining. I have shared with 260 people across the globe that I found FUR in my freezer followed by some pseudo swearwords. Yesterday, I forced myself to find the reasons to be thankful for the facilities that I do have, despite the lack of water pressure (and I am not just being fussy here. I have a witness. It's like a heavy drizzle). Today, I made reference to the disgusting washing machine in the pit of Hades, otherwise known as the basement. This slice of paradise is...well...not paradise, but is it not customary that a person's "first place" is riddled with flaws? That's what gives it character and an endless supply of great anecdotes for years to come. And in the meantime, it greatly enhances our parents’ prayer life!

What else can I say? I am slowly getting used to this new space. If anyone knows me fairly well, they know that I move A LOT. According to the latest tally, this is home #18; 6 moves in the last 6 years. I wish they would have a retreat for "former" TWR MKs because I would have so many questions for them. Mainly, I want to know if they have found a way to settle once back in their homeland. This is something that I have yet to master. I confess that I am still not completely unpacked. It's basically done, but there are a few boxes and a few garbage bags left. I haven't been able to bring myself to finish the job because it's not home yet. Let me explain what I mean by "home." I live by the saying of "home is where I lay my head." For me, this is a literal truth and it has been that way since my parents joined the missions back in approx. 1990. I have only had a transient experience of home. I am looking for roots and stability. I want to make marks that I can leave and enjoy for many years. I would like to feel what it's like to grow with a place again. I want a place where I can watch the seasons roll by year after year. I want to know the house, the rooms, each crook and cranny like the back of my hand. It would be great if I could make it two years, three years would be a record as I have not lived anywhere for three straight years since the last millennium!

Based on the last paragraph, I am committing to make The Old Hux my home. It has advantages, clear disadvantages and a quirky charm that ironically fits in with the story of my life! As Kim, Janine and I huffed up and down the stairs with the boxes (me doing the most huffing and puffing, of course) I couldn't bear the thought of having to repeat this move within another year. In fact, if the heavens had opened and a prophetic voice had told me that I would be moving after a mere year, I would have laid down in the dirt and openly wept right then and there. The day of the move, I learned two important things. 1) Never move into a multiplex structure unequipped with an elevator ever again. 2) Sushi is an awesome way to satisfy and a hard-earned hunger. After dinner, it was just myself in a room full of boxes. Being the sentimental nerd that I am, I decided to put on the pilot episode of Mary Tyler Moore. What could be more fitting than watching the courageous Mary Richards driving down the highway to Minneapolis with Paul Williams singing, "How will you make it on your own? This world is awfully big, girl this time you're all alone. But it's time you started living. It's time you let someone else do some giving." By the third episode, they had me convinced that I'm "gonna make it after all."